Enjoy watching Safe Harbor’s Executive Director, Becky Callaham, and Safe Harbor board member and Fashion with a Passion chair, Renee Dunlap, on WSPA’s Your Carolina show (see link above).

Safe Harbor’s Fashion with a Passion (www.fashionwithapassionsc.org) presented by Southwest Airlines will take place on Thursday, February 9th, at the Huguenot Mill in downtown Greenville.

Join us for a night of fashion, food and fun from Greenville’s finest. You’ll enjoy an evening of celebratory fun including: A New York-style runway show featuring styles from the Upstate’s most popular boutiques - Monkees of the West End, Coplon’s, Petals, Muse Shoe Studio, Plaza Suite, Even a Sparrow, and Wisteria. We will also highlight trendy athletic wear from Fleet Feet and Pedal Chic and some favorite threads from Safe Harbor’s Resale Shop, which is vital to Safe Harbor’s operation.  A fabulous silent auction will take place that includes vacation packages, spa days, fabulous jewelry and accessories, and much more.  Fantastic drinks and eats from Table 301 will make this event an evening to remember. 

All proceeds will benefit Safe Harbor, helping us to fulfill our mission to provide safe shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, and support for victims of domestic violence and their children and to provide prevention services and education throughout the Upstate of South Carolina.

Tickets can be purchased online today at: http://www.fashionwithapassionsc.org

Periodically, we receive letters and calls from readers who are offended by some of the front-page story choices we make. Generally, the number of “negative” news stories selected for that page puts them off.

We understand their concerns and we share them. We understand there is a lot of good news in our communities and, believe it or not, a good portion of every edition is devoted to highlighting that news. Sometimes, it’s even on the front page.

Every day, people gather to weigh what stories will be published and where they will be placed in the paper. Those are seldom easy decisions.

The difficulty of determining space and placement is complicated by a simple business reality. We remain a viable business by selling advertising. The people who advertise decide where to spend their money based, in part, on how many readers the paper has. On days when crime, personal tragedy and government controversy dominate our front page, we sell more papers.

We understand that part of our responsibility is to “raise the bar,” but would suggest that sometimes that can be done in less conventional ways.

For instance, the editorial staff of The Journal decided several years ago that criminal domestic violence is far too pervasive in our society, particularly in this area. As a result, every arrest for criminal domestic violence is reported. At the same time, we are continually focused on positive stories about efforts to stem this tide and to provide shelter for abused and battered women and children.

If there were ever any doubts that forcing our readers to engage the horrible details of domestic violence was a mistake, they should have been erased by the release, this week, of the first CDC national study of domestic violence. Among its findings were that 1 in 3 women in the U.S. has experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner and that 1 in 4 women have experienced severe violence at the hands of a partner.

These disgusting statistics must be eliminated. If our focus on this problem, as negative as that may be, causes any of our readers discomfort, we are sorry, but we are even sorrier for the victims of these crimes, whose stories we will continue to tell.

by Samantha Tucker, Director of Development, Safe Harbor

“There is always something to be grateful for.”  ~ Charles Dickens

The holidays truly are a special time. True, the hustle of it makes the month of December scoot by so quickly…but this time of year brings with it a heightened level of appreciating and understanding one another.  For me, I look forward to quiet times shared with loved ones.  I feel peaceful when I see my family’s decorated tree and the sweet stockings that represent the members of my family.  I smile at the obvious joy and innocence I see in my children, and I enjoy the effort people put into being festive and cheerful.  For all of this…and for so much more…I am grateful.  What are you grateful for this time of year?

For our residents at Safe Harbor, this time of year can be difficult.  The season prompts missing home and missing personal traditions.  Yes, our residents are grateful to spend the holidays in an environment of peace.  At the shelter we have a decorated tree, and we have kind people from our community who make sure our clients each have a gift or two beneath it.  Still, though, the holidays reinforce that life is different now and that change can be a difficult process.

This holiday season, take a moment and remember those who are spending this time sheltered…sheltered from abuse, from chaos, from the violence that brought them such pain.  Remember our clients who are celebrating this season of peace, just maybe in a very different way. 

On behalf of the more than 600 women and children who have found safety and security in our shelters in 2011, I thank you for making Safe Harbor possible.  I also ask that you consider making a holiday contribution to Safe Harbor in support of our mission and our services.  In lieu of a physical gift, your donation can be in someone’s honor (we will notify the honoree).  Amidst all the hustle, this simple gesture can be a very special one.

Happy holidays from the Safe Harbor family to yours.  We appreciate your support and your passion, and we look forward to making further progress in 2012 toward ending domestic violence.

http://safeharborsc.org/how-can-you-help/make-a-donation

Our first place team of David Odom, Gary Odom, Kyle Lankford, & David Lankford scored 57. Jim LaRue, Eddie Brown, Bob Kurek, and Jim Graham came in second with 58. Third place went to Todd Hardaway, Eric Hardaway, Weston Blackwood, and Will Thomason with a score of 60. And rounding out the top 4 places with a score of 61 were Charley Thompson, Rex Gibbs, Ed Hicks, and Steve Hicks.  Robert French won closest to the pin on #4, Bob Kurek on #8, Gary Odom on #13, and Ed Hicks on #17. They each won a 7 night 5 Star Resort Vacation Package compliments of SEU Promotions out of Charlotte. Robert French was the finalist in the $10,000 putting contest sponsored by Paesano’s, earning a second vacation package. Earle Wright was the finalist in the chipping contest, walking away with a vacation package as well.   

A special thanks goes to our event sponsors – Leader Ford for their hole-in-one 2011 Ford Mustang package and Oconee Medical Center for providing lunch and marketing costs. Roy Metal Finishing was the Cart Sponsor, and Clemson at the Falls was the pin flags sponsor. 26 Golf Course Partners across the Upstate donated rounds of golf, allowing each tournament team to enjoy 4 rounds of golf at one of the top golf courses in the Upstate. Most of all, we want to thank Safe Harbor board member and tournament coordinator, Darragh Geist, and all other volunteers who coordinated this event.   

Many thanks to all for supporting Safe Harbor through the 2nd Annual Links of Hope Golf Tournament!  Please read below to see event photos and a full list of sponsors.   

OUR TOURNAMENT SPONSORS
Leader Ford, Seneca  – Co-event & Hole in One sponsor
Oconee Medical Center  – Co-event & lunch sponsor
Roy Metal Finishing -  Cart Sponsor
Clemson at the Falls – Pin Flags Sponsor
Paesano’s Italian Restaurant  – $10,000 Putting Contest Sponsor
Glen Raven – Team Sponsor
Platinum Sponsors
Jim & Elisabeth Gadd
Jon & Darragh Geist
Gold Sponsors
Trehel Corporation
Blue Ridge Bank
Residences at Park Place
Bob Thomas/ Edward Jones
Walmart
Silver Sponsors
William Callahan, DDS
Blue Ridge Electric Cooperative
TD Bank
Elegant & Distinctive Interiors
Moon’s Pharmacy
Lakeside Landscaping
Neat Freaks/Integrity Builders
Joe’s New York Pizza & Pasta
Jo Thompson Memorial
Ken Whitney
William Huff
Coca Cola Bottling Co. Consolidated 
Taylor Made
The Daily Journal   

OUR GOLF COURSE PARTNERS
The Trails at Chickasaw Point
The Rock at Jocassee
The Reserve/Lake Keowee
The Preserve at Verdae Golf Club
The Cliffs Golf & Country Club
Summersett Golf Club
Stone Creek Cove Golf Club
Saluda Valley Country Club
Pine Lakes Golf Club
Pickens Country Club
Oconee Country Club
Links O’Tryon
Lakeview Golf Club
Keowee Key Golf & Country Club
Highland Walk at Victoria Bryant, GA
Hartwell Golf Club, GA
Green Valley Country Club
Furman University Golf Club
Falcon’s Lair
Curahee Country Club, GA
Cross Creek Plantation
Cobb’s Glen Country Club
Cherokee Valley Golf Club
Brookstone Meadows Golf Club
Boscobel Golf Club
Anderson Country Club
 
OUR RAFFLE SPONSORS
 Paesano’s Italian Restaurant
Sole’ Grill & Sushi Bar
Copper River Grill
International Deli
Heartwarmers, Seneca
Nancy Lopez Golf 
Walker Golf Course – Golf lessons   

First Place Team - David & Kyle Lankford, David & Gary Odom

Seneca Giving Circle Team - Margie LaRue, Lynda Brown, Melodie Graham, Susan Goodwin

Second Place Team out on the Trails

As I spoke with Sally on this last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I was reminded of why domestic violence is such a forgotten issue in our communities and our world.  Even though statistics show that 1 out of every 4 women are affected by violence in a relationship in the United States, it is also one of the most silent issues in our society.  Why?  Off the top of my head, I can think of three major reasons:

1) Guilt - Victims of domestic violence are not being abused by a stranger.  Instead, the perpetrator of abuse is an intimate partner – he may be her spouse, the father of her children, the person who controls the finances in the household, and/or the person with whom she lives.  Therefore, when a victim of domestic violence is being abused, what options does she have?  If she calls the police, will her partner go to jail and lose his job that they both depend upon for income or have to pay legal fees that she knows they cannot afford?  If she chooses to leave, will she be breaking marriage vows that she promised to keep “for better or for worse”?  What will she tell her children when they ask where their dad is; when they tell her that they are hungry and she is not sure how she’ll pay for dinner; when they ask why they can no longer afford to buy new shoes? 

2) Shame - Despite that victims of domestic violence are not the ones who are causing the abuse to occur, victims are often left feeling ashamed by their situation, making them less likely to speak up or reach out for assistance.  If a victim tells the truth about the violence that she is experiencing to her family, friends, church, or neighbors, what will they think of her?  Will they judge her for choosing to leave?  For choosing to stay?  Maybe her family is well-respected in their community and has an image to uphold.  Maybe she doesn’t think that anyone else would believe her.  Maybe she even starts to wonder if she deserves the abuse that she is experiencing, that maybe it is somehow her fault. 

3) Fear – As the cycle of abuse becomes more and more severe in a relationship, fear is often the number one reason why a victim chooses to stay in a violent relationship.  Some victims have been threatened by their perpetrator with extreme violence or even death if they try to leave or if they reach out for help.  Other perpetrators tell the victim that she will never see her children again or that he will be sure to obtain full custody if she tries to make a change.  Sometimes, due to the extreme power and control that the perpetrator exhibits, a victim may not even know how to safely leave a violent relationship without the risk of immense danger. 

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close on this last day of October, I hope we can remember one thing:

“Domestic violence is not an individual’s problem or a family problem.  It is a community problem.  So what will WE do about it, as a community?” – wise words from “Jennifer”, a survivor of domestic violence

*** Please note that, while I am using female language in this article to describe victims of domestic violence, Safe Harbor acknowledges that victims of domestic violence can be female or male.  According to U.S. statistics, one out of four women are victims of domestic violence, and one out of every thirteen men are victims of domestic violence.

by Erin Bush, Clemson University Student

During Clemson University’s Homecoming celebration on October 8, Clemson students will be recognizing more than their school’s history; they’ll be raising awareness for domestic violence. The students’ efforts are part of a class project to support Safe Harbor, a domestic violence shelter and education outreach organization in Upstate S.C., and to promote Domestic Violence Awareness month during October. 

The students’ projects during Homecoming events will include:

• Adding purple ribbons, the color of domestic violence awareness, to the Homecoming floats. The floats will be built and displayed on Clemson’s Bowman Field.
• Hosting a table on Bowman Field during the week leading up to the game – and several hours prior to kick-off – to provide educational materials from Safe Harbor and Clemson’s Redfern Health Center.
• Displaying a banner announcing Domestic Violence Awareness month on the float that will be showcased during the football game’s halftime show.

“Encouraging healthy relationships and raising awareness about domestic violence were goals that fit perfectly with the atmosphere of Clemson’s Homecoming,” said Claiborne Linvill, instructor of the Communication Studies class that is leading the projects. “Clemson University is a family, and our students want all families to be healthy, happy and safe.”

A major objective of the class project is to raise awareness about Safe Harbor and their Relationship Education Program, or R.E.P., on social networking sites. At the table on Bowman Field, there will be opportunities for attendees to “follow” or “like” the organization on Facebook or Twitter. Additionally, students will offer face painting for children and the opportunity for donations to be made to Safe Harbor.

Neil McDonald, vice president of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, one of the Greek organizations taking part in the festivities, remarked, “As part of the Clemson family, our organization was honored to pomp a purple ribbon on our Homecoming float and display a banner to spread awareness for both Safe Harbor and Domestic Violence Awareness month. Women age 16 – 24 are the most likely to experience relationship violence, so education about this issue is especially important to our whole campus, as well as our community of alumni and visitors.”

Clemson will host Boston College on Saturday, October 8, for Homecoming. The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and the corresponding color is purple. For more information about Safe Harbor, visit www.SafeHarborSC.org.

“Ivory” and her two young children, a girl age 8 and a boy age 3, came to our shelter from Columbia fleeing her abusive boyfriend.  She and her boyfriend had been together for nearly two years and the abuse had been mainly verbal until the moment she decided to leave, at which time he punched and pushed her as she was trying to leave.  His parents would not allow her to speak to the police to report the incident.  She arrived at Safe Harbor as an overwhelmed and fragile mother. 

Shortly after arriving in the shelter, Ivory’s daughter began to feel comfortable enough to disclose for the first time that she had been sexually abused by her father.  We immediately began the referral process to the Julie Valentine Center for individual counseling.  Because her family arrived during the summer, there were many fun activities for her children while she received counseling and attended groups.  As the weeks passed, Ivory grew stronger and her children became happy, healthy children – blossoming from the fearful selves they previously had been. 

Before Ivory moved into transitional housing, Ivory’s mother unexpectedly passed away.  This was a devastating blow for Ivory and her children.  On an individual basis, we began talking about her grief and processing the trauma.  The children also received counseling to process their grief in their own way. 

After three months in the shelter, Ivory moved into her own apartment but continued to keep in contact with me.  We met regularly either in person or by phone.  Her daughter continues to receive counseling for her sexual abuse, and both of the children are thriving.  One year later, Ivory still calls and comes to Safe Harbor to check in.  She and her children have moved into their own place after living in transitional housing for a year.  

Ivory and her family were able to attend our weekend camp last fall.  As I observed Ivory and her family during the weekend, what I saw was not a feeble victim but a strong mother and her happy children.  They were able to relax and be with other domestic violence survivors for a weekend.  Safe Harbor truly was her safe place to start a new life.  hen her daughter celebrated her ninth birthday, the place she said she wanted to celebrate was not Chuck-E- Cheese or a park but the Safe Harbor shelter.  We were a place of happy memories for her.  We had cake and sang and made her birthday one to remember.

- Extending the shelter playground area with a new, larger fence

- Repairing existing playground equipment and providing a new swingset and handmade picnic tables

- refinishing our back deck/walkway

- completing general lawn maintenance – weeding, pruning, mulching, etc.

- creating a new garden plot

We are deeply grateful to Foothills Community Church for the generosity, time, and talents that they have shared with Safe Harbor through their “Project Reach” efforts.  Thank you for making a difference in the lives of the those whom we serve each day!

Domestic Violence affects our world, our nation, and our local community.  Here are the reported domestic violence statistics from SLED for our 4-County service area.

2010 Reported Criminal Events

(includes instances of aggravated assault, simple assault, & intimidation)

Anderson County – 1,169

Greenville County – 2,646

Oconee County – 341

Pickens County – 633

TOTAL: 4,819

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Join us in Safe Harbor’s “31 Days of Domestic Violence Awareness” as we work to raise awareness about this issue in our local communities.  Please plan to drop by the awareness events in your area:

Online Awareness Campaign – Check out Safe Harbor’s Facebook and Twitter pages each day throughout the month of October to learn important information about domestic violence and how you can join us in raising awareness throughout the month of October.

Friday, October 7, 12-2pm – Domestic Violence Awareness Display at Main St. Plaza by Falls Park in downtown Greenville – Join us as we raise awareness about domestic violence with Safe Harbor materials, Domestic Violence facts and stats, the Clothesline Project, free giveaways, and a powerful display of artwork created by a domestic violence survivor. 

Tuesday, October 11 – “Helping Hands Day” at Sticky Fingers – Eat at Sticky Fingers in Greenville (Main Street/Downtown location only) for lunch or dinner and tell your server you’re a supporter of Safe Harbor.  The server will provide you with two receipts, and you’ll place one of them in the “helping hands” bucket.  At the end of the day, Sticky Fingers will total all receipts in the bucket and donate 10% of that total to Safe Harbor.      

Friday, October 14, 5-9pm – Domestic Violence Awareness Display at Anderson Mall – Join us at the main entrance to the Anderson Mall on Clemson Blvd. as we raise awareness about domestic violence with Safe Harbor materials, Domestic Violence facts and stats, free giveaways, and more. 

Wednesday, October 19, 7-9pm – “Charity Dinner Night” at the Tiki Hut Lakeside Grill on Lake Keowee in Seneca.  The Tiki Hut will be hosting a Charity Dinner Night for Safe Harbor from 7-10pm.  Enjoy a free Italian dinner, and make a donation to Safe Harbor in lieu of dinner costs.  We’ll also be raising awareness about domestic violence with Safe Harbor materials, Domestic Violence facts and stats, the Clothesline Project, free giveaways, and a powerful display of artwork created by a survivor. 

Thursday, October 20, 5-8pm – Safe Harbor Happy Hour Night at Soby’s – Come to Soby’s for drinks, appetizers, and dinner on October 20!  Safe Harbor supporters will serve as bartenders for the evening to raise awareness about the issue of Domestic Violence, and 20% of drink sales will benefit Safe Harbor. 

Friday, October 21, 11am-3pm – Domestic Violence Awareness Display at Haywood Mall in Greenville – Join us as we raise awareness about domestic violence with Safe Harbor materials, Domestic Violence facts and stats, giveaways, and a powerful display of artwork created by a domestic violence survivor. 

Friday, October 28, 11:30am-1:30pm – Awareness Cook-Out at Safe Harbor Administrative Offices– We’ll wrap up our 31 Days of Domestic Violence Awareness with a free lunch for all.  Please join us in the parking lot of the Safe Harbor Administrative Offices (429 North Main St. in Greenville) for burgers & hot dogs and information about how you can help us to continue to raise awareness about the issue of Domestic Violence throughout the year. 

Saturday, October 29 – Safe Harbor “Links of Hope” Golf Tournament – The second annual Links of Hope Golf Tournament will be held October 29, 2011 at the Trails of Chickasaw Point in Westminster, SC. All proceeds will benefit Safe Harbor in Oconee County.  Our major sponsor, Leader Ford, will not only be doing a Hole in One car again this year. They will also be sponsoring an exciting $1,000,000 Shoot Out for 5 lucky participants drawn randomly the day of the event. 25 other lucky entrants may be drawn for a $10,000 putting contest. Please visit www.golfthetrails.com for information about the tournament and to get a copy of the registration form for you and your team.  For questions, contact Bobby King at 864-972-9623 OR thetrailsproshop@bellsouth.netThis e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

What does it look like to tell the stories Safe Harbor?  We’re not used to telling our stories, but it’s not because we don’t have them.  On the contrary, Safe Harbor is filled with stories…stories that remain forever in our hearts and memories…stories that may sometimes keep us awake at night…stories that often bring us to tears with sadness or laughter, sometimes both.  Safe Harbor has a million stories – stories of victims and survivors, mothers and children, brothers and sisters, volunteers and generous donors…the list goes on and on.

But, for the most part, our protocol is to lock up our stories and throw away the key.  For us, the stories are sacred, and confidentiality is such an important part of the work that we do.  We want to protect the stories, because we want to protect the people behind the stories as well:

• The mother who came to the shelter with her 2-day-old infant straight from the hospital, healing from the bruises left from her husband’s fists at the same time that she healed from childbirth. 
• The volunteer who answers our crisis line – when she fled from her violent relationship 35 years ago, there was no crisis line for her to call.
• The 12-year-old boy who came to Safe Harbor with his mom after throwing rocks at his step-father, trying to prevent him from pushing her to the ground again.
• The high school student who came up to our teen educator after she had completed a presentation about dating abuse in his class – he asked, “If someone grows up watching his dad beat his mom, does that mean that he is going to grow up to become an abuser, too?”
• The woman who came to Safe Harbor 2 years ago with no self esteem and a hopeless outlook on life.  Today, she is working in her dream job and living in a home of her own.
• The brother & sister who came with their mom to the shelter, struggling with nightmares and flashbacks and anxiety due to the violence they had experienced at home.  Now, they laugh and play and sleep soundly every night.

These stories mold us and change us, helping us to constantly look at the world through a new lens and with a fresh perspective.  And, perhaps for the first time, we are realizing that these stories are not just our stories.  They are not just the stories of the people who shared them with us.  They are your stories, too.  They are the stories of our community.  They are the stories of those victims of domestic violence and children witnessing violence who haven’t had a chance to tell their story yet. 

Through this project, we are learning how to tell our stories.  They will remain safe and confidential and sacred.  But, hopefully, these stories will impact our community, open our eyes, and call us to work together for change.