Posts Tagged ‘domestic violence’

When she walks through the door of Safe Harbor for the first time, she is scared.  She is broken and bruised, both figuratively and literally.  She is exhausted, weary from walking on eggshells and accepting the blame.  She is hopeless and not even sure how to search for hope – in her world, hope is at best a distant memory or perhaps something that has never existed at all.  She is stuck in the cycle of abuse, the pattern of being controlled and degraded and harmed by the one person who vowed to love her unconditionally.  As she holds her baby in her arms, she is not sure what the future will hold.  She wonders if she has made the right decision.  She doesn’t really believe that she has what it takes to pick up the pieces, to make it on her own.  She is unaware of her own beauty, her own strength.  She is a shell of who she once was, of who she could be.  She is insecure.  She is terrified.  She is a victim.

When she walks out of the door of Safe Harbor for the final time, she is starting a new journey.  She is healing, one day at a time.  She may not have every problem solved or every question answered.  But, she is aware of the steps that she has already taken and the steps that she has yet to take.  She is liberated from the oppressive power that used to control her every move.  Now, she is in control of her own choices, her own decisions.  She is becoming aware of the talents and skills that she has to offer in this world.  She is learning how to be a parent, and her baby now sleeps soundly through the night.  She is able to look in the mirror and smile at the woman who looks back at her.  She holds her head up proudly as she walks into her new apartment for the first time.  She is still not sure what the future will hold, but she is hopeful with each new day.  She is free.  She is strong. She is a survivor.

Last Thursday, Safe Harbor hosted our annual Greenville County Candlelight Vigil for Peace.  Thanks to all who came out and showed support for our agency and for this cause.  In case you missed it, click here to see News Channel 4’s coverage of the vigil and the recent string of domestic violence incidents in our area.  Our Anderson County Candlelight Vigil for Peace is this Thursday, October 28, at 6:30pm at the Farmer’s Market Pavilion in downtown Anderson.  We hope to see you there.

A bell tolled while 33 domestic violence homicide victims’ names, from 19 of South Carolina’s 46 counties, were read aloud. This is the sound I remember after leaving the Silent Witness ceremony at the South Carolina State House last Tuesday.  A summary was read of the 33 victims’ deaths as silhouettes representing each of the deceased were carried onto the granite steps of the State House.  This is a moment I will never forget. 

Sixteen years ago, the Violence against Women Act (VAWA), broke the silence surrounding domestic violence and declared October Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Safe Harbor joins the many organizations around the nation that reach out to thousands of survivors, victims and countless of untold lives effected by abuse.
South Carolina ranks number nine nationally for the number of women killed by their intimate partners.  We have ranked in the top ten for the last decade.  This is a reason no one wants to be in the top ten.   In 2009, 33 South Carolinians lost their lives by their intimate partners.   Six of those victims were from Greenville County, two from Oconee county, and one from Pickens County.   These are nine victims from our service area.  Safe Harbor provides services for Anderson, Greenville, Oconee and Pickens Counties.

It has been estimated one out of four women – 25 percent of women nationally – will become victims of domestic violence during their lifetime. It has been estimated that 74 percent of Americans know someone who is the victim of domestic violence.

Below is a poem that I was introduced to when I first started working for Safe Harbor over eight years ago and it still makes me sad when I read it today:

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers…today.

Safe Harbor will hold a Candlelight Vigil on October 21st at 429 N. Main Street, Greenville, on the front lawn of our administrative office building.  We also have a vigil scheduled for October 28th in Anderson at the Farmer’s Market Pavilion.  Both Vigils start at 6:30 pm.  Our Vigils remember those that have lost their lives to domestic violence, honor those that have survived, and also to give strength to those that are still gathering the courage to leave.

Please join us in our effort to stop domestic violence. 

Written By:  Greta Young, Assistant Executive Director

by Rebecca Callaham, Executive Director, Safe Harbor

From the Greenville News – August 8, 2010

Jessica Anderson. Natasha Kerns. Christine Crane: Three women who lost their lives this summer in Greenville County. Not to an illness, cancer or a horrible accident. Each one lost her life because the man who was supposed to love her allegedly took it from her. Each one silenced forever by domestic violence.

In South Carolina, where we promote family values and Southern hospitality, we are literally loving each other to death. South Carolina ranked No. 8 last year for the number of women killed by men. The previous year, South Carolina ranked No. 2. This is hardly an improvement, as South Carolina has consistently ranked in the Top 10.

According to the S.C. Department of Public Safety, Greenville County ranks No. 1 in the state for family violence victimization, No. 2 for domestic violence victimization, No. 2 for domestic violence aggravated assault and No. 2 for domestic violence simple assault. Read the rest of this entry »

by Julie Meredith, Director of Volunteers & Communication, Safe Harbor

Faith communities and churches provide a social network for individuals and families, comfort for the grieving, hope for those who are depressed, redemption for sinners, and care for the sick.  When a church member is diagnosed with cancer, he/she is upheld in the prayers of the congregation and supported with encouraging cards.  When a family in the church loses a loved one, church members bring meals and send flowers.  In many churches, support groups and counseling are available for people who are dealing with addictions, grief, divorce, or other concerns.

But, what kind of support does a person receive from her congregation when she reveals that she is being abused by her spouse or partner?  After working at Safe Harbor for the past two years, I honestly cannot answer this question.  It is difficult to know what a victim of domestic violence might experience when she turns to her congregation for help.  I have learned that the kind of support that a victim receives tends to vary from congregation to congregation.  Congregational support for victims depends on the congregation’s leadership, its membership, its theology and beliefs, and its understanding of domestic violence.

Here are the stories of two victims: Read the rest of this entry »

“Domestic violence speaks many languages, has many colors and lives in many different communities.”
- Sandra Pupatello

Welcome to our blog!  Safe Harbor is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing safe shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, and other services for victims of domestic violence and their children in the upstate of South Carolina.  We also offer outreach and education concerning the issue of domestic violence throughout the four-county area that we serve – Greenville, Anderson, Oconee, and Pickens Counties. 

Safe Harbor is excited to have the opportunity to use this blog to expand our outreach services to victims and to further educate our community about Safe Harbor’s mission and services.  We will use this blog to discuss the issue of family violence and related topics, to share news about Safe Harbor programs and upcoming events, and to share stories of hope and inspiration.  Read the rest of this entry »