Safe Harbor, Inc. :: A Safe Home, When Home Isn't Safe

Examples of Abusive Behaviors l Causes of Domestic Violence l Myths about Domestic Violence l Laws Pertaining to Domestic Violence l Cycle Theory of Violence l Relationship Wheels l Facts l

Myths about Domestic Violence

Myth 1: Battered women are only a small percentage of the population.
Actually: One out of every four American women reports they have experienced abuse at some point in their lives. One third of all Americans know a friend or acquaintance that has experienced domestic violence in the past year.

Myth 2: Battered women are crazy.
Actually: Again, the blame is placed back on the woman. "Why she stays" or "What she has done" may be perceived as crazy to some people but this myth points out our lack of empathy and understanding for women trapped in abusive situations.

Myth 3: Middle or upper class women are not as likely to be victims of domestic violence as lower class women are.
Actually: Women with lower economic status are more visible in shelters and support group settings simply because they have fewer resources and are more likely to seek help from community agencies. The social stigmas are much greater with middle and upper income families, especially when the abuser is prominent in his business or in the community.

Myth 4: Religious beliefs will prevent battering.
Actually: Many battered women have very deep religious beliefs and so do their abusers. What men and women believe and how they behave don't always match.

Myth 5: Battered women are uneducated and have few job skills.
Actually: This is true only to the extent that a controlling partner has limited her access to the job market or schooling. There are many college educated and professional women who have been victims of abuse.

Myth 6: Batterers are violent in all their relationships; including work, family, and friends.
Actually: Only about twenty percent of battered women say they observed their partners as being violent towards other people.

Myth 7: Batterers are unsuccessful and lack resources to cope with the outside world.
Actually: While low self esteem and poor coping skills are a characteristic of many abusers, to the outside world this is not apparent. In fact most batterers are successfully employed and are described by friends and others as intelligent, hard working, and as good husbands for their wife and family.

Myth 8: Drinking causes battering behavior.
It has been proven that someone with an abusive personality who drinks will be more likely to exhibit abusive behavior, but it is a myth that alcohol is the cause. Alcohol simply reduces whatever inhibitions the abuser may have. There are too many documented cases of domestic violence where no alcohol was involved.

Myth 9: Batterers are psychopathic.
Actually: Batterers have been shown to have many personality disturbances but few have been attributed to a clinical psychopathic cause. Unlike a psychopathic person, most batterers feel a sense of guilt and shame for their uncontrollable actions.

Myth 10: The batterer is not a loving partner.
Actually: When they are not being abusive, women describe their partner as playful, attentive, sensitive, exciting, and even affectionate to them and their children.

Myth 11: A wife batterer will also beat his children.
Actually: This has some merit in that about thirty percent of abusive men do physically or verbally abuse their children. Just as bad, one case study concluded that mothers who are abused are thirty percent more likely to abuse their own children.

Myth 12: Once a batterer, always a batterer.
Actually: Most batterers do remain as batterers. Most, if not all, abusive men "promise" the abuse won't happen again but then do nothing to stop it. When the cycle of violence repeats itself the promise has been broken and this myth is reinforced. Getting help from the right places, along with a sincere desire to change can result in an abusive personality that is under control. There has to be an admission that the problem exists and a commitment to follow through with action.

Myth 13: Once a battered woman, always a battered woman.
Actually: This myth is perpetuated by the fact that many women who are attracted to an abusive man find themselves in one abusive relationship after another, along with the fact that a battered woman will attempt to leave her abusive partner five times before she succeeds.
However, women who seek help in the right places and follow through with action to grow and learn from their experiences rarely remarry another batterer.

Myth 14: Police can always protect the battered woman.
Actually: Make no mistake that law enforcement plays an important role by enforcing Criminal Domestic Violence (CDV) laws and Orders of Protection (OP). In fact women should be encouraged to call the police, especially when they are in physical danger. However, when the police are involved, victim advocates should also caution and educate women about the importance of personal safety and the safety of their children because once the legal process has begun, there is a dramatic increase in risk that she may be seriously hurt. See page 7 for more information on laws pertaining to domestic violence.