The Lie: “He said I was crazy.”

cassieCassie:

The Lie

“He said I was crazy.”

The Truth

“I wasn’t.”

Being in an abusive relationship nearly killed me. Most days, I felt like I was swimming with large rocks tied to my ankles. I had to rationalize the things that happened to stay above water.  And though the bruises left no trace, there was damage to my soul.

For years, he told me how crazy I was and no one would believe me. He was right.

All of my friends were his friends first. I only had a couple of my own friends and I only saw them a couple of times a year- if that. I had no family nearby because I grew up in a group home in New Hampshire.  He would exploit and twist my difficult childhood to fit “his” story. He told people I was crazy, that I was bipolar and that I had borderline personality disorder. The truth is that I had neither diagnosis nor did I even take any meds.

He was right – no one believed me and when I tried to tell people he was being abusive.  They believed him and thought I was crazy.  Overtime I started to believe I was crazy, too. I read self-help book after self-help book saw therapists and even took a 15-week course.   But no matter what I did, he told me I was crazy.

I had a baby, I had no family, and he had all the money.   Where would I go? How would I take care of my son? I had no friends, no support and in my mind I was worthless, damaged, crazy.

When he started hitting my 4-year-old son, I called Safe Harbor because I didn’t know how to make the abuse stop. I had to defy the lie that I was not crazy and start believing in myself.  I had stop believing that the abuse was my fault.

Quotes

“He was right – no one believed me and when I tried to tell people he was being abusive.  They believed him and thought I was crazy.”

“I had to defy the lie that I was not crazy and start believing in myself.  I had stop believing that the abuse was my fault.”