The Lie: “If I leave, he might hurt himself. He always said he can’t live without me.”

tamaraTamara:

The Lie

“If I leave, he might hurt himself.  He always said he can’t live without me.”

The Truth:

“Everything he does is about him.”

Typically, abusers are self centered, selfish people who ultimately do everything for their own benefit – including making you feel like you have to take care of him and can never leave because he couldn’t live without you.

Very early on, I felt that something wasn’t right in my relationship.   When I tried to leave the first time, he showed up at my parents crying with cuts on his wrist.  I was shocked afraid he would hurt himself and it would be all my fault.

Years later, when I finally did leave for good, he tried again.  He called me at work and said he had a gun and that he just didn’t think he had reason to live anymore if we weren’t together.  He wanted me to just come talk to him.  Instead of me doing what he wanted, I called 911 to help him.  They could intervene and I could stay away.  I wasn’t surprised to hear that this turned out to be a false alarm.  In the end I was empowered to say: I can’t fix him, and I am not responsible to for him either.

#DefyTheLie – He can live without you but will likely say anything to convince you to stay.

Quote:

“Typically, abusers are self centered, selfish people who ultimately do everything for their own benefit.  Including making you feel like you have to take care of him and can never leave because he couldn’t live without you. “