Safe Harbor, Inc. :: A Safe Home, When Home Isn't Safe

Victims' Voices

The following section gives voice to the clients of Safe Harbor. This is their opportunity to share their hopes, dreams, trials, and triumphs so we will know they are more than just victims.

Letters
Memoirs
Artwork

Letters:

The following is a letter written by a former client of Safe Habor to all other domestic violence survivors:

I cry for your broken heart, for your broken love. It hurts so much to love someone and have to come face to face with the fact that somehow, they are just not capable of returning that love.

No one understands the dichotomy of domestic violence except the players. There is no way to explain to those who love you why you go back, why you stay, why, why? How can you explain what you don't understand?

You are isolated, humiliated, and made to feel that the only love you deserve are the crumbs from his table. One minute you are his greatest only love, the next you are dirt on his boots. Your life becomes a roller coaster of highs and lows, so that whatever he is feeling, you absorb. You are constantly told you are undesirable, unlovely, fat, stupid, lazy. But they, in all of their benevolence, have also chosen you. They curse you then kiss you, kick you then send you flowers. They say they'll die if you leave them, then say they'll kill you if you stay. Friends and family fall away, unable to understand, incapable of grasping what insanity brings a person to this level of humiliation.

And the worst part is, you don't know. You have no answers, only questions. What should I do? Where will I go? How can I move on? How do I stop loving him? If you begin to think rationally, and they see it, they start keeping you up night after night after night. You go without sleep until reality seems so far away, so hard to grasp.

This torture goes on for month after month, then year after year. It continues until you find it hard to remember when life was any different. The crash, then the honeymoon, then the crash again. Misery and pain on top of misery and pain. And loneliness that feels as if your heart might rip out of your body. What is the solution? What is the cure?

There is no cure, there is no solution. Not there, not with him. The only solution lies within yourself. You must somehow summon the courage to go - go, and never look back, for to look back will be as it was to Lot's wife. Looking back will kill you. You can't approach leaving with anything but a determination born of the belief that your children deserve a better life, and that you, created in the image of God, are just right the way you are. Once you go, you learn that being alone is by far not the worst thing that can happen to you (you are alive, after all), and you begin to discover amazing things about yourself. Things you perhaps once knew, but were brainwashed into forgetting. You realize that you are good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, just enough. You discover it like this: You wake up one morning, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and realize you are looking into the face of God. And then you see it . . . I AM ENOUGH! You can be just who you are, and who you are is just right with you and God.
Now your true adventure begins, because before you can love others, you must learn all over again how to love yourself. For that is what was stolen from you. For some it takes longer than others. But no matter how long it takes, you realize it is the true, right thing to do. God loves you, and it is no one's right to destroy what God created. And someday when you become your beautiful self again, your children, your friends, and your family will thank you, for that which was lost has been returned.

Godspeed on your journey back to happiness and wholeness. Love to you all, A Survivor.

The following is an excerpt from a thank you note written to our Megan Project Coordinator Courtney Madden by a Greenville County high school student:

"I fortunately just got out of the relationship that I wanted to talk with you about. My boyfriend was always threatening to kill himself if I dumped him, and he would control several aspects of my life. When you came to [my school], I felt relieved that I finally got the clue I needed. I was so scared of being alone that I held onto him. But then I realized that no relationship is worth crying over and feeling depressed. I want to thank you for speaking to the class, and especially me. I didn't want to end up like Megan did. I can only hope that my ex-boyfriend will keep his distance, and that no other girl has to go through this traumatic experience. Thanks again."

Memoirs:

The following is an excerpt from the memoir of a former Safe Harbor client:

"At the age of 27 I found myself lost in fear. With 1-year-old twins and a volatile husband, I discovered that life for me had become looking ahead to the next battle I was going to have to fight. Whether it was dinner, taking phone calls, or sometimes the side of the bed I was going to sleep on, I knew it would start an argument. In this, a quote from Albert Einstein comes to mind. He once said, 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.'

When I first ventured into Safe Harbor's doors on that cold January evening, I was greeted by some of the most kind women. I remember shaking, not from the cold, but in the realization that going 'home' was no longer an option, that from that moment on, my life would be forever changed."

Artwork:

The following posters were designed by Safe Harbor clients to represent their lives before coming to Safe Harbor and then their futures after leaving the shelter: