What is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse (also known as domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and intimate partner abuse) is complex and involves one partner using a variety of tactics - some violent and some not - to maintain power and control over their partner.

• Domestic abuse is not a one-time incident. It is a pattern of abusive behaviors that typcially occurs in a cycle, with really good times and really bad times, that escalates over time.  

• Domestic abuse is not always physical. Other forms of domestic abuse include emotional and psychological abuse, sexual abuse and financial abuse.

• Domestic abuse affects individuals in every community regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality.

Physical abuse is defined as using force to intimidate or purposefully hurt an intimate partner. Examples of physical abuse include hitting, slapping, kicking, pushing, biting, choking, throwing objects, use of weapons, etc.

Emotional or psychological abuse includes a variety of abusive behaviors that cause trauma to the person receiving the abuse. Some examples of emotional and psychological abuse include insults, threats, stalking, jealousy or possessiveness, control of activities or whereabouts, isolation from family or friends, blaming the victim for the abuse, etc.

Sexual abuse includes forcing sexual activity upon a partner, harming a partner sexually, or pressuring a partner to do sexual things when they don’t want to.

Learn More: NCADV Facts about Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

Financial abuse is defined as controlling or limiting a partner’s finances to exercise power and control over their partner. Some examples of financial abuse include not allowing their partner to work, getting credit cards in their partner’s name without their knowledge and consent, and controlling when/how their partner can use their own or shared money.

Learn More:

NCADV's Facts about Domestic Violence and Economic Abuse

Purple Purse Allstate Foundation and NNEDV's Entendiendo el Abuso Financiero 

Cycle of Abuse:

• At first things are good - great even! This stage is called the "honeymoon period."
• Next is the "tension building period" in which the abuse begins, intensifies or happens more often.
• Finally there is the "explosion," the point in the relationship when the abuse is most severe.

The cycle of abuse is different for everyone, and doesn't necessarily include physical abuse. For most people, the cycle continues and escalates over time with false promises and apologies leading back into the honeymoon period (sometimes called the “normalcy period.”

Victims of domestic abuse often find themselves in complex situations that leave them feeling overwhelmed and confused. A victim will often stay in an abusive relationship because:

• They believe their partner will change
• They still love their partner
• They feel obligated to keep the family together
• They have been told that divorce is a sin or contrary to their faith
• They are financially or emotionally dependent
• They have a low self-esteem, including feelings that they deserve the abuse, that no one else could love them, etc.)
• They are afraid of what might happen if they try to leave
• They feel that they have no other options