The Lie: “He never hit me, so it can’t be abuse.”
September 14, 2016
“Abuse isn’t just about physical violence. It’s about power and control.”
Defy the Lie
Domestic abuse isn’t just about physical violence; it's about power and control, and can be very complex and confusing for those living within its walls. When you are walking on eggshells in your relationship, you naturally find ways to cope and survive. Maybe you’ve found yourself rationalizing your partner’s behavior to yourself or others, saying or thinking things like:
"Yeah he has a temper, but he would never hit me."
"It’s not that he doesn’t want me to have friends. He’s just protecting me."
"He says things that scare me, but I know I'm hard to love at times."
In this blog series, you’ll hear survivors of domestic abuse share the “rational lies” they used to survive within their abusive relationships. You’ll hear stories of how these survivors ultimately gained the courage to #DefyTheLie, breaking the cycle of abuse and building new lives filled with safety and hope.
If you are living within the walls of domestic abuse, we hope these stories will help you understand you are not alone. There is hope. There is help. Our services are free and confidential. Call us 24/7 at 1.800.291.2139.
The Lie: “Its not abuse if you aren’t being beaten.”
September 14, 2016
“For years I had myself convinced: ‘It’s not really abuse because technically he never hit me.'”
The Lie: “If I leave, he might hurt himself. He always said he can’t live without me.”
September 14, 2016
“Everything he does is about him.”
The Lie: “He was charming, loving and a hard worker.”
September 14, 2016
“He only acted this way when he was clean and sober and those days became fewer and further between.”
The Lie: I was with a man I thought truly loved me. He would never physically harm me.
September 14, 2016
“I started showing up to work with bruises.”
The Lie: I could confidently say that he never hit me.
September 14, 2016
“He had squeezed my arms until they were black and blue, dragged me from one room to the next by my hair, strangled me, shoved me up against walls, and held a gun to my head, but he had never hit me.”
The Lie: I am just too needy and I nag him too much.
September 14, 2016
“What I was asking from him was not above and beyond the realm of a healthy marriage. The truth was that I was being abused and I did not have to be! I could leave. I am strong. I am of value.”
I am a survivor of domestic abuse.
“I didn’t know that I was being abused because my definition of abuse looked different. My husband pushed me, but most of my suffering was verbal and psychological. I left my husband to protect our young daughter. Almost immediately I felt the weight of his oppression begin to lift. I could see a difference in my daughter as well. Then he broke into my home and assaulted me in-front of her.
I sought help and was led to Safe Harbor. My daughter and I are in counseling now. I am sorting out the mess that abuse has caused. I am finding my voice and seeking opportunities to grow and better my life as well as my daughter's. She will gauge her self-worth from my own self-worth. I must show her that she deserves the best, by expecting the best for myself.
Many years I suffered in silence. By telling my story and being honest with friends and family, I am taking control of my life again.”
- Beth
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